How do you fix a broken tuba?

With a tuba [tube of] glue.

Knock, knock! Who’s there? Little old lady? Little old lady who?

Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!

What is Beethoven’s favourite fruit?


Why did the pianist keep banging his head against the keys?

He was playing by ear.

Why do bees hum?

They forgot the words.

What type of music are balloons afraid of?

Pop music.

What types of songs do planets sing?


Why did the singer climb a ladder?

She wanted to reach the high notes.

Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?

Because she broke the record!

What did the robbers take from the music store?

The lute

What makes music on your hair?

A headband.

Why couldn't the string quartet find their composer?

He was Haydn.

Why didn't Handel go shopping?

Because he was Baroque.

Why did the pirate buy an opera album?

Because he loved the high Cs.

Where did the music teacher leave her keys?

In the piano.

What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?

A moo-sician.

A sign at a music shop:

“Gone Chopin. Bach in a minuet.”

What is an Egyptian mummy’s favourite music?


What kind of musical instrument do rats play?

Mouse organs

What do you call a musical insect?

A humbug.

Why did the fish make such a good musician?

He knew his scales.

Why did the grandma sit in the rocking chair wearing rollerskates?

Because she wanted to rock and roll.

Which elf was the best singer?

ELFis Presley

What kind of music do bunnies like?

Hip Hop

What has forty feet and sings?

A choir

What’s a skeleton’s favourite instrument?

The trom-bone

Everyone knows that SCUBA stands for “Self Contained Underwater Breathing Apparatus” but not many people know that...

TUBA stands for “Terrible Underwater Breathing Apparatus”

Why couldn’t the pony go to choir?

She was a little hoarse

What do you call a cow with a guitar?

A MOOOOO-sician

What is a pirate’s favourite instrument?

The guitARRRRR!

Did you hear about the piano playing vampire?

His Bach was worse than his bite.

What is a vampires favourite part of a guitar?

The neck

Did you hear about the two drums and a cymbal that fell off a cliff?


Wind turbines don’t like classical music…

but they are huge metal fans.

Why don’t skeletons play music in church?

Because they don’t have any organs

What did the robbers take from the music store?

The lute

Do you want to hear a joke about staccato?

Never mind; it’s too short

Do you want to hear a joke about a fermata?

Never mind; it’s too long

What do you get when you put your music player in the fridge?

Cool music

I have six fish named Major, Minor, Blues, Pentatonic, Dorian and Aeolian.

I can only tell them apart by their scales.

What sort of music should you listen to when fishing?

Something catchy

Why did the chicken join the band?

She had the drumsticks

Why did the music note go to jail?

Because he kept getting in treble.

What instrument can you hear but not touch?

Your voice.

Why doesn't the piano work?

It only knows how to play

What's the best gift to give a musician?

A broken drum... It's unbeatable.

Why was the fish such a good musician?

He knew all his scales.

I would tell you a musical joke, but...

...they aren't my forté